Remember Hollywood Squares?  
These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted!  
Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? 
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!(The audience laughed so long  
and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes off the show!)  
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how 
high should you be?     
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. 
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years... 
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.  
Q You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably  
a man or a woman? 
A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.  
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party  
and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and  
ask him if he's married?             
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.  
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..  
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.  
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.  
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? 
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.  
Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? 
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.  
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? 
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.  
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? 
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.  
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? 
?A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.  
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? 
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?  
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?   A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..  
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? 
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.  
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? 
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. 
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? 
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.  
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should 
never do in bed?   
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
How to Maintain a Healthy Level Of Insanity inRetirement 
1.At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on, point a hair dryer at passing cars and watch them slow down! 
2.On all your check stubs, write, "For Sexual Favors" 
3. Skip down the street rather than walk, and see how many looks you get. 
4.With a serious face, order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat. 
5.Sing along at The Opera. 
6. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream 'I Won! I Won!' 
7.When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the car park, yelling, 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 
8. Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go....' 
9. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is. 
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity: My Favorite...  
10. Go to a large Department store's fitting room, drop your drawers to your ankles and yell out, "There's no paper in here!"
Home                Next  
Feelings are just visitors, they come and go. 
Integrity is doing the right thing even if no one is watching. 
The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding. 
The past is a place of reference not a place of residence. 
The same boiling water that softens potatoes, hardens eggs. Its all about what you are made of, not your circumstances. 
Believe but don't trust everyword you hear.
May God Bless everyone.
"I'll Leave This World Loving You" 
Ricky Van Shelton 
Ev & Els 
Dems...truly pathetic idiots.
You can bet me! You Dems owe us one.  And you 'will' pay.
Hi,I'm SadieB.Shy.Bye.