"Why Teachers Drink"  
"Always be yourself because the people who matter don't mind and the ones who mind don't matter."  
The following questions were set in last year's GED examination.  
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds).  
Q. Name the four seasons.  
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar  
Q. How is dew formed.  
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. 
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on.  
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.  
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections.  
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. 
Q. What are steroids.  
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope).  
Q... What happens to your body as you age.  
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. 
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty.  
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (So true) .  
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.  
A. Premature death. 
Q. What is artificial insemination.  
A.. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.  
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour.  
       A. Keep it in the cow.  (Simple, but brilliant) .  
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised. (e.g. The abdomen).  
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U. 
Q. What is the fibula?  
A. A small lie. 
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?  
A. Nearby.  
Q. What is the most common form of birth control.  
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. 
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'.  
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome. 
Q. What is a seizure?  
A. A Roman Emperor.  (Julius Seizure?)  
Q. What is a terminal illness.  
A. When you are sick at the airport.  (Irrefutable)  
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?  
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (brilliant)  
And the best for last.....  
Q. What is a turbine?  
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.    (Now we're getting somewhere).  
Our society is doomed!
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Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. 
One day you will wake up and there won't be any time left to do the     things you always wanted......do them now. 
Never regret a day in your life; good days give happiness, bad days give experience, worst days give lessons, and best days give memories. 
A bad attitude is like a flat tire, you can't get very far until  you change it. 
I wish you sunshine.
May God's Angels be ever with you and 
keep you , healthy, happy, and safe from harm.
"I Believe In Love" 
Don Williams 
Ev & Els 
"He Must Be a Sensitive Man" 
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.  
They go back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.  
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher. Huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.  
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by this evidence of his sensitive side!  
She turns to him, invitingly... they kiss...and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After she has this intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, and they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it for you?"  
The guy yawns: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf." 
(And that's when she killed him.) 
Off the 'bottom shelf ' indeed !  Scheeze!
Please say a prayer for, 
President Trump.
See you later Mi Amies. 
Have a happy day.