"Little Thelma's Valentine" 
Little Thelma came home from first grade and told her father that they had learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian Saint and we're Jewish," she asked, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"  
Thelma's father thought a bit, then said, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" 
"The ISIS terrorists," she said.  
"Why the ISIS terrorists?" her father asked in shock.  
"Well," she said, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give the terrorists a valentine, they might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and then they sent valentines to the terrorists, they'd love everyone a lot.  And then they'd start going all over the place telling everyone how much they loved us and how they didn't hate anyone anymore."  
Though skeptical of the idea, her father's heart swelled and he looked at his daughter with newfound pride. "Thelma, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."  
"I know," Thelma said, "and once that gets them out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of them!"    
The Pope was finishing up a benediction and ended with the Latin phrase, "A Tuti Homini" - meaning it was for all mankind. A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day and mentioned that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.  
The next day, after his sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini"… thereby blessing all Mankind and Womankind.  
Then a gay-rights group approached the Pope, saying that he had blessed mankind and womankind, but not gay people.  
So at the benediction for the next mass, the Pope concluded his blessing with,  
"Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti."
If you lose your left arm.........your right one will be left. 
Kenny G
Ev & Els
Aw......do you hafta' go?