"The Black Guy & The Irishman"
A black guy from Alabama and an Irishman go into a pastry shop in Birmingham. The black guy whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed.
The baker doesn't notice.
The black guy says to the Irishman, "You see how clever we are? You Irish can't beat that!.
The Irishman says to the black guy, "Watch this, any Irishman is smarter then you and I'll prove it to you.
" He says to the baker, "Gimme a cookie, I'll show you a magic trick!"
The baker gives him the cookie, which the Irishman promptly eats.
Then he says to the baker, "Gimme another cookie for my magic trick."
The baker is getting suspicious, but he gives it to him.
He eats this one too.
Then he says again, "Gimme one more cookie..."
The baker is getting angry now, but gives him one anyway.
The Irishman eats this one too.
Now the baker is really mad, and he yells, "OK... And now where is your famous magic trick?"
The Irishman says.... "Look in the black guy's pocket!"
"The Blonde Mortician"
A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'