"The Preacher's Donkey"  
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.  
He was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another 
race again and it won again. 
The local paper read:  
Pastor's Ass out front. 
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he  
ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.  
The next day the local paper headline read:  
Bishop scratches Pastor's Ass.  
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. 
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.  
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:  
Nun has best Ass in town. 
The Bishop fainted. 
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farm for $10.  
The next day the paper read:  
Nun sells Ass for $10. 
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.  
The next day the headlines read:  
Nun announces her Ass is wild and free. 
The Bishop was buried the next day.  
The moral of the story is being concerned about public  
opinion. It can bring you much grief and misery,  
 even shorten your life. 
So be yourself and enjoy life. 
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own ! 
You'll be a lot happier and live longer!  
Just ass anyone!  Oops....... 
" Japanese Hotel Service"  
A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo Japan.  
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.  
'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'  
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted 15.00 Yen, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.  
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, 'Manicures, 20.00 Yen'.  
'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.  
The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 1 Yen.'  
The salesman looked both ways, put one yen in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.  
With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender member........ which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.
Despite the cost of living.....it still remains extremely popular.
"Circus Polka" 
Unknown Accordionist 
Designed & Compiled 
Ev & Els 
"Homo Slackass" 
Well, somebody sent it to me!