"Good Night Kiss"  
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little sexy. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you have sex with me?"  
Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us"  
"Oh come on, who's going to see us at this hour?" he asks, grinning at her.  
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"  
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping"  
"No way. It's just too risky"  
"Oh please, please, I love you so much"  
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"  
"Oh yes you can. Please?"  
"No, no. I just can't".  
"I'm begging you ".  
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's older sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair dishevelled, and in a sleepy voice, she says: "Dad says to go ahead and have sex with him, or I can do it, or if need be,  Mom says she can come down herself and do it". 
But for God's sake, tell him to take his hand off the intercom.
"By A Woman"  
1)Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is right and you need to 'shut-up'.  
2)Nothing: Means something and you need to 'be worried'.  
3)Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission, 'do-not-do-it'.  
4)Whatever: A woman's way of saying 'screw you'.  
5) Thats Okay: She is thinking long and hard on how and when 'you will pay' for your mistake.  
Bonus Word:  "Wow"! This is not a compliment. She's amazed that  
one person could be so stupid! 
The Gentleman said,  let me get this straight...  
Women wear, Fake Hair, Nails, Lashes, Contacts.  
Buy, FakeBoobs, Lips, Butt, and get Botox.. 
But want a "Real Man"? 
You betchur' Sneakers,
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"Catch A Falling Star" 
Perry Como  
Designed & Compiled 
Ev & Els 
The government today announced it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a 
"Condom" because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. 
A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
The majority of Congressmen. 
The people who are waiting for something to turn up, 
might just start with their shirt sleeves. 
Toodle-Oodle-Oo, I am  aleavin' you...... 
I shall return........perhaps on the morrow.