"Random Thoughts" 
------------ 
The biggest lie I tell myself is …  
I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”  
------------ 
Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!  
------------- 
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet!  
------------- 
I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks! 
--------------  
I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!  
-------------- 
Old age is coming at a really bad time!  
------------ 
Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!  
------------ 
I don’t have white hair. I have “wisdom highlights”. 
I’m just very wise.  
------------- 
My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work.  
------------ 
Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.  
------------ 
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.  
------------ 
The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes” .  
------------ 
I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do that second week.  
------------- 
When did it change from “We the people” to “screw the people” ?  
------------ 
Even duct tape can’t fix stupid … but it can muffle the sound!  
------------ 
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna' transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?  
------------- 
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.  
------------ 
Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?  
------------ 
At my age “Getting Lucky” means walking into a room and remembering why I went there.
 
 
           
 
 
 
Designed 
Compiled 
by 
Ev & Els 
 
 
"Nothing Sure Looked Good On You" 
by 
Gene Watson