"The Secret To Inner Peace" 
If you can start the day without caffeine,  
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,  
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,  
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,  
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,  
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,  
If you can conquer tension without medical help,  
If you can relax without alcohol,  
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,  
Then You Are Probably  
The Family Dog! 
Handle every stressful situation like a dog.  
If you can't eat it or play with it ....  
Pee on it ! 
"The Monarch" 
As you know, my dear people, the last year for me has been an annus horribilus. The Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi–in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.  
Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you the people. For the next 17 months I will be traveling among you, as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Walmarts and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land sharing your poverty and needs with you.  
How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace, we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor we had to remove thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given just enough for us to scrape by.  
During those difficult times we had to cut back when our daughter was married. We only had $3 million dollars to spend on her wedding. I remember our hopes as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. So, as I travel across our land to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then when the time for the royal election comes, I know you will crown me as your rightful monarch, so that we can all live happily ever after.  
Us and the Illegals on your money and you will do all the work, 
as it should well be. 
The best to me and mine, 
The Monarch
"The Dutch Treat Polka" 
Patrick Viet 
Designed & Compiled 
Ev & Els 
Aloha,  until next time.