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 "A Few Thoughts" 
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An old man was asked, "At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get, Parkinsons or Alzheimers?" The old man answered, "Definitely Parkinsons. Better to spill half my wine than to forget where I put the bottle." 
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I just took a leaflet out of my letterbox, informing me that I can have sex at 73. I'm so happy, because I live at number 71, so it's not too far to walk home afterwards. And it's the same side of the street. I don't even have to cross the road! 
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Answering machine message:-  
"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."  
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My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.  
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Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.  
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Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.  
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The irony of life is that by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere anyway.  
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God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.  
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I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.  
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Every morning is the dawn of a new error.  
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Aspire to inspire before you expire.  
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"The Last Waltz" 
By: Engelbert Hunperdinck 
 
 
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As I age ... 
When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries the cashier said,"Strip down, facing me." 
Making a mental note so I could complain to my local MP about this security rubbish,  
I did just as she had instructed. 
After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should position my credit card. 
Nonetheless, I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. 
They need to make their instructions a little clearer for seniors. 
Man, I hate this getting older stuff.
 
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