"A Surprising Retirement Gift"  
It was George the Mailman’s last day.  
As he did his final rounds he reached the door of the first house and was greeted by an elderly couple who gave him a gift certificate. At the next house, the entire family gave him a set of fishing lures, and at the third house he received a box of fine cigars.  
But at the next house he was greeted by a sexy blonde wearing a skimpy negligee. Without a word, she signaled him to come inside. She gently took him upstairs and made mad passionate love to him. George certainly didn't mind.She then led him downstairs where she made him a huge breakfast of toast, sausage, eggs and hash browns. George was truly satisfied. As he leaned forward to get his second cup of coffee, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup.  
Curious, he asks the blonde, This is all wonderful and I appreciate everything..but…what’s the dollar for?  
Oh, says the blonde, I asked my husband last night what we should give you for your retirement. He said ‘Screw him! Give him a dollar!’  
She beamed at him. "The breakfast part was my idea!  
"Did You Know"  
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is 'screeched.'  
We think that "Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.  
The word "listen " contains the same letters as the word "silent".  
The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaun- 
gahoron-ukupokaiwenuakitanatahu,  a New Zealand hill. 
(Now lets hear you pronounce it! Ev)  
Los Angeles's full name is 'El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina- 
de-los Angeles de Porciuncula' and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, 'L.A.'  
The name for Oz in the 'Wizard of Oz' was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence 'Oz.'  
The longest common word that you can type with just the left hand is probably 'Stewardesses', however there is the obscure but longer: 'Aftercataracts'. With the right hand the longest word is Phyllophyllin. (Lolypop comes close, but as Groucho Marx would say: 'no cigar')  
To 'testify' was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles. 
The combination 'ough' can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all 'A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughmanstrode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.'  
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.  
Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning 'containing arsenic.'
"I Don't Know Why" 
Ray Anthony & Orchestra 
May God bestow upon us all his 
love and his blessings. May he keep us  
safe from harm.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. 
A tax is a fine for doing well. 
Either're gonna' pay.
Ev & Els 
ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT