"Is That Stanley"  
Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.  
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer.  
The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.  
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, "Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over".  
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, "Nope, ain't Stanley" .Ě  
The mortician thought this was rather strange, So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.  
Gomer looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."  
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Stanley" .  
The mortician asked, "How can you tell"?  
Gomer said, "W ell, Stanley had two ass-holes."  
"What! He had two ass-holes?," asked the mortician.  
"Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, There's Stanley with them two ass-holes."  
Scooter and Gomer are both now employed in the Obama administration. One in the I.R.S and the other in the Justice Department.
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. 
' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'  
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'The father replied: 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.' 
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'  
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:  
1. The DNA all matches.  
2. There are no dental records.  
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?' 
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'  
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?' 
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'  
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.  
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'  
Joe: 'Really?'  
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'  
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. 
'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.  
'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' 
He's still in intensive care.  
"It Had To Be You" 
Frank Sinatra 
Designed &†Compiled 
Ev &†Els 
God, please bless us each and every one, 
and keep up safe from harm.
Waking up to see another day is a blessing.  
Make it count and be happy that you are alive.  
Never take it for granted. 
Ciao for now.
Dear God, 
If it be thy will, 
Please keep our Country safe, 
From those who seek to destroy it. 
We ask in Jesus name.