"A Retired Persons Perspective"  
1. I'm not saying, "Let's go kill all the stupid people." I'm just saying, Let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out. 
2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out the way much faster now. 
3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably very angry. 
4. Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.  
5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body. 
6. I don't like making plans for the day ... Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom. 
7. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 1,508 days in a row. 
8. I decided to change calling the bathroom "the John" and renamed it "the Jim". I feel so much better saying, "I went to the Jim this morning." 
9. Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what's your plan? 
10. Politicians should have two terms ~ one in office and one in prison. 
11. Just remember, there is a major difference between intelligence and stupidity: intelligence has its limits.  
z"The Golf Club Presidency" 
An old man asks his wife: "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"  
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you.. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason." 
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'?" 
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"  
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that.. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"  
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he performed the surgery at no charge." 
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time." 
"Alright," Martha said. "Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"  
Poor Henry fainted...
"This Is My Song" 
Jim Nabors 
\\Designed & Compiled 
Ev & Els 
May God Bless us each and every one and keep us safely in his care. 
Nothing can make life more worthwhile than the sweetness and warmth of a
beautiful smile or the smell of fragrant flowers. 
Fare the well until we meet again.
Dear God,  
If it be they will, 
please keep our country safe, 
from those who wish to destroy it. 
We ask in Jesus name.