"A Way With Words"  
A competition to see who can come up with the best lexphillies is held every year in an undisclosed location. 
This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.  
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.  
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.  
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.  
The batteries were given out free of charge.  
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.  
A will is a dead giveaway.  
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.  
A boiled egg is hard to beat.  
When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.  
Police were called to a day care Center where a three year-old was resisting a rest.  
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.  
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.  
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.  
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.  
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.  
When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.  
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.  
A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.  
Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of defeet.  
A chicken crossing the road: †poultry in motion.  
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and Iíll show you A-flat miner.  
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.  
You are stuck with your debt if you canít budge it.  
Local Area Network in Australia : The "Lan" down under.  
A short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: †a small medium at large.  
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.  
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.  
Diarrhea: †hardening of the farteries.  
Difference between an elephant fart and a saloon: A saloon is a barroom. An elephant fart is a ba-rroom!  
He broke into a song because he couldnít find the key. 
And the cream of the wretched crop:  
Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
"The Horse and the Stake"  
A lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by the sheriff.  
"Ma'am, I have to warn you, you have a broken stake on your wheel," says the sheriff.  
"Oh dear. I'll let my husband, Jacob know as soon as I get home," she replies.  
"That's fine," he continues. "Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that terrible cruelty to the animal. Have your husband take care of that right away!"  
Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the sheriff. "Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" asked the husband. "He said a stake is broken," replied the lady. "I can fix that in a heartbeat. What else?" asked the husband.  
The wife replied: "I'm not sure, Jacob - something to do with the emergency brake."
Following the path of least resistence is what makes both men and rivers crooked. 
It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err. 
God Bless us all. †May He protect us and keep us safe from those who would call themselves our Allies. †The wolves in sheep's clothing.
"Chances Are" 
Johnny Mathis 
Designed &†Compiled 
Ev &†Els 
Dear God, 
If it be thy will, 
please keep our country safe from those who seek to destroy it. 
We ask in Jesus name. 
Til' next time: 
Click on song title.