"An Actual Craig's List Personal Ad"  
To : 
"The Guy Who Tried To Mug Me"  
(In downtown Savannah night before last.)  
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.  
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually mess your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan . She had just bought me that Kimber custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... Isn't it?!  
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).  
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!  
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. (That made his day!)  
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ..... After I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car. Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.  
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.). In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... But I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!  
Thoughtfully yours.  
Semper fi ,  Alex
"4 Weddings and a Funeral Director"  
An 80-year-old lady was being interviewed by a local news station because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer began to ask her questions about her life, why she has decided to get remarried at 80, and for some information about her new husband.  
"My husband is a funeral director", she answered.  
"That's interesting", the reporter replied.  
The reporter was then curious about her previous three husbands and what their professions had been. After a few minutes of reflection, the woman smiled and answered proudly. She explained that in her 20's she married a banker, in her 40's a circus ringmaster, a preacher in her 60's and now, in her 80's, a funeral director.  
The reporter was unsure how to process her answer and then asked why she married four men with such different lives and career choices.  
The woman once again smiled and explained, "I married the first for the money, the second for the show, the third to prepare myself, and the fourth to go!"
Time is like a handful of sand- the tighter you grasp it, the faster it runs through your fingers. 
Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time. 
Methinks I see the wanton hours flee, and as they pass, turn back and laugh at me. 
May God be with us all. 
May he  keep us safe 
and protected from harm. 
"When I Dream" 
Foster and Alllen - Irish 
Designed & Compiled 
Ev & Els 
Dear God, 
If it be thy will, 
please keep our country  
safe from those who seek to destroy it. 
We ask in Jesus name. 
Farewell, Amies. 
Til'  then.