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"Doctor's Advice" 
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor goes over his history and does his physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and 'still' sees no improvement.  
"Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little.  
Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."  
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took our advice and it works! It 'really works'! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the 'first' time anyone has ever helped me!" "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." 
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a 'really' nice house."
 
"The Milking Gear"  
A farmer ordered a hi-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.  
So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.  
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.  
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service hot line with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!).  
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"  
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons. Have a nice day!"
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
"Don't Blame Me" 
by 
Frank Ifield - Canadian 
 
 
The truth is Obama is not that stupid. †He knows full well what he is doing. I would bet he and his cohorts 
discussed the deal previously. †He thinks we are the stupid ones and by damn he is right. †Our Congress is as 
stupid as they come. †All but a choice few. It is really hard to believe Boehner turned on us, †but he did. 
And MCConnell, plus quite a few known others. †Who knows how many more! †We need an entirely new 
Congress. †Those old ones have been there way too long and they think they now own it and our country. Plus 
Obama is a known member of the Muslim Brotherhood. †That came out a long while back. †He also carries a 
card that is associated with the ACLU. Plus he has no legal birth certificate and a dead man's Social 
Security Number. †Is he a loyal American? †He may be a loyal something, †but it sure is not an American. †How about an Islamic Muslem? †Aha......I think we just hit the nail on the head.
 
 
 
 
Designed &†Compiled 
by 
Ev &†Els 
 
 
"In the end, itís not the years in your life that count. 
Itís the life in your years.Ē  
 
God Bless Everyone.