"The Pearly Gates Entrance Exam" 
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.  
So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. 
The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died." 
"No Problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! 
I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. In a rage, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I pushed it out onto the balcony and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly." 
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in. 
A few seconds later the next guy came up. "Hi there. Before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died." 
The guy sighs and says: "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine.  
Then this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away. As I'm lying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly." 
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets him enter. 
A few seconds later, a third guy comes up to the gate. The Angel says, 
"And what was 'your' day like?" 
The guy says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, inside a refrigerator..."
 
"A Good Deed That Just Keeps On Giving" 
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.  
However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.  
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a delicate matter.  
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!  
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"  
"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
How much you enjoy your life is more important than how much you have in life. 
 
Life is uncertain – eat your dessert first. 
 
Life is like a novel with the end ripped out. 
 
Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain. But you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain. 
Keep smiling!
 
 
 
 
God Bless us, each and every one 
and keep us safe from harm.
 
 
 
 
Dear God, 
We ask you to protect our country 
from those who seek to destroy it. 
To protect all of its people from the  
graft and corruption that goes on within our Government and to keep us safe 
from the terrorists who have now come across our borders and live amongst us.And please God, let our next President be the "people's choice" and 
not that of the RNC, Congress, The Elitists and/or The Establishment. 
Please stay with us and stand by us
We ask in Jesus name.  
Amen
 
 
"I Started Loving You Again Today" 
Floyd Cramer 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Designed 
Compiled 
by 
Ev & Els 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
If you think this is a chameleon, look more closely. It's actually two painted people! 
 
 
This is what the human jaw looks like before we lose our milk teeth.
 
 
 
The 3D cast that could revolutionize healing. It uses ultrasound to help broken bones recover 40% quicker.
 
 
So...all dressed up and no where to go! 
I guess I shall see you later..... 
whenever I get back....from nowhere. 
Ciao