"Man vs. Machine" 
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you're having. It only costs $20.00." 
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $20.00. 
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: 
You have migraines. You need to take better care of yourself. Get daily rest, drink a lot and avoid bright lights, stress and strain. See me again in 2 weeks. 
During the next 2 weeks, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he even added some oil from his car.  
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $20.00, again stating he had a bad headache. He awaited curiously to see what the computer will say about the odd mix. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and printed out the following analysis: 
Your tap water has too much waste in it. 
Your dog has ringworms.  
Your teenage daughter is pregnant. 
Your wife has had 5 different lovers in the past six months. 
Also, your car needs a new radiator. 
And you wonder why you have a headache?
"The Snorer"  
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with George, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy roomed with George and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, 'Man, what happened to you?  
He said, 'George snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night. '  
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing - hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, 'Man, what happened to you? You look awful!'  
He said, 'Man, that George shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night .' 
The third night was Pete's turn. Pete was a big burly ex-Navy man; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. ' Good morning,' he said.  
They couldn't believe it! They said, 'Man, what happened?'  
He said, 'Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked George into bed,  patted him on the butt,  and kissed him good night.  
George sat up and watched me all night. I slept fine.'
It's not the people who are in prison that worry me. It's the people who aren't.  
First God made idiots.  
This was for practice. 
Then he made Politicians.  
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. 
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.  
Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going  faster than you is a maniac.  
Opportunity only knocks once . 
(Sometimes not at all).  
I doubt, therefore, I might. 
I am, therefore,  I think!  
May God Bless us all and bestow upon us His Love and His Blessings.
"You Belong To Me" 
Jo Stafford 
Ev & Els 
Hell's Hill,  Please remember, what goes around comes around. You will one day get your due. Perhaps sooner  
than you wish! Then 'we' will be the 
ones laughing.
Dear God, 
We ask you to protect our country 
from those who seek to destroy it. 
To protect all of its people from the graft and corruption that goes on  within  our Government and to keep us safe from the terrorists who have now come across our borders and live amongst us.And please God, let our next President be the "people's choice" and  not that of the RNC, Congress, The Elitists and/or The Establishment. 
Please stay with us and stand by us
We ask in Jesus name.  
I'm off to tea and a shopping spree. Perhaps I shall find a gift for thee. 
Do you by any chance like Frog Legs?