A young girl asked her father if all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon A Time?" 
"No," he replied. "A whole lot of them begin with 'If elected, I promise ...'"  
A couple was touring the capitol in Washington, DC, and the guide pointed out a tall, benevolent gentleman as the Congressional Chaplain. 
The lady asked, "What does the Chaplain do? Does he pray for the Senate or House?" 
The guide answered, "No, he gets up, looks at both houses of Congress, then prays for the country!"  
A politician was walking home from the county courthouse the evening of Election Day when he came upon a young boy sitting on the curb, bawling his eyes out. 
"Why are you crying?" the politician asked. 
"My dad died," the boy replied. 
"That's terrible, when did it happen?"  
"Five years ago," the boy said. 
"Five years ago? †And you are still this upset?" 
"It's not that," the boy said. 
"It's just that my dad voted today, and he didn't come to see me."  
Two old-time political aides are walking through a shabby, overgrown cemetery, writing down names from the headstones. One of the men works very fast, stopping only by upright stones where he can read the names clearly. The other works deliberately, gone from one stone to the next, kneeling down and clearing away the grass and wiping away the grime in order to see the name clearly. 
"Why are you spending so much time doing that?" the first man asked. 
"I'll tell you," the second man said. "This is a free country with a Constitution and everything. †Each one of these people has as much right as the next to cast his vote."  
Christopher Columbus was the first ever-successful politician of the world 
because he didnít know where he was going, he didnít know where he was  
when he got there, and he did all of it on borrowed money!  
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed 
man and stuck a gun †in his ribs "give me your money," he demanded. 
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "you can't do this Ė I am a United States congressman!"  
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me "my" money."  
"Heading Out To The Doctor's, Dear" 
An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from his couch, 
then starts putting on his coat.  
His wife, observing her husband's odd behavior, asks, "Where are you going?"  
He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."  
She says, "Why, are you sick?"  
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get some Viagra."  
Immediately the wife starts positioning herself to get out of her 
rocker and begins putting her coat on.  
He asks, "Where the hell are you going?"  
She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."  
He says, "Why, what do you need?" 
She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing,  
I'm getting a tetanus shot."  
heTheres no need to rush.  
What's meant for you always gets there right 
on †time. 
One of the happiest moments in life is when you let go of what you cannot change. 
Worrying doesn't take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away todays peace. 
Better slow going somewhere, than fast going nowhere. 
May God Bless us all and keep 
us safe from harm.
Dear God, 
By all that is Holy, 
I ask you to protect our country from 
those who seek to destry it. To protect  
all of its people from the graft and  
corruption that goes on†within our Government and to†keep us safe  
†from the terrorists who have now come across our borders and live amongst us. †And please God, let our next President be the "people's choice" and not that of the RNC, Congress, or The Elitists. 
I ask in Jesus name. 
"Cold Cold Heart" 
Tony Bennett 
Ev &†Els 
Au Revoir Amies, til' then, go with God. 
And always wear a smile.