"The Nooner and the Rifle"  
A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.  
The problem was their nooner - it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done. Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.  
"Homer," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the field with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Darlene's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."  
They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while. Homer came back to the doctor's office...  
"What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"  
"Oh, it worked real good," said Homer. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Darlene'd come runnin'. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home again."  
"Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.  
"I ain't seen her since huntin' season started."
A Lighter Look At Mid-Life  
We all become a little concerned as we begin to approach the half-way point in our lives. The truth is that it's a reality everyone must experience, so we might as well look at it with a good sense of humor!  
Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.  
The good news about mid-life is that the glass is still half-full - of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.  
Mid-life women no longer have upper arms, they have wingspans... They are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, they are flying squirrels in drag.  
Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.  
Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves... and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.  
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream: "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!"  
Mid-life is when you start to repeat yourself, and your chins follow suit.  
You become more reflective in mid-life. You start pondering the "big" questions - What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
You will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory. Make the most of the moment because you never fully realize what you had until itís gone. 
If I host a party with style,  
am I hostile? 
If two ants elope, are they antelopes? 
If I keep standing outside, am I outstanding? 
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, am I a one- night- stand?
May God Bless each and every one of us 
and keep us safe from harm.
"April Love" 
Jane MorganJ† 
Designed &†Compiled 
Ev &†Els 
Dear God, 
We ask you to protect our country 
from those who seek to destroy it. 
To protect all of its people from the  
graft and corruption that goes on within our Government and to keep us safe 
from the terrorists who have now come across our borders and live amongst us.And please God, let our next President be the "people's choice" and 
not that of the RNC, Congress, or  
The Elitists.  
Please stay with us and stand by us
We ask in Jesus name.  
See ya' later 'gator. † 
Don't go votin' for any Liberalies!